Prepare for Sobriety
Chances are you have some idea of the secrets you are keeping. You may want to face this day by preplanned preparation.
Plan a day in the woods or a weekend of camping. Go to the beach or the mountains or a special place you feel comfortable or safe. Devote a special room in your home where feel secure. Surround yourself with candles or dark, soothing music or quiet. If you like to write, build a bonfire or start your barbeque so you can physically burn your written memories. If you plan to share the event with a trusted friend prepare them in advance.
Clear your mind. Take a deep breath. Ask yourself if this is your path today? Ease your fears. Slow your breathing. Take another deep breath. You will know in your heart if today is the day you are ready to face your greatest fears.
There will be pain. You will relive the pain you have suppressed for many years. There is no way to avoid this experience. The pain you should have expressed years ago, must be be released. It is part of the healing process as nature intended and the only way to set you on the road to healing.
Later, you will wonder why it took you so long to see the truth! Right now however, you must slay old demons.
Take one more deep breath and let your memory open the backpack. What thought wants to come out today? Be patient. A thought will surface. If you feel up to dealing with the uncomfortable subject do so. If not, try again at a later date.
Name it:
Give up the name of the person that harmed you. It is now someone else’s secret to keep, not yours! Remove ownership and responsibility for someone else’s crimes.
Verbally say out loud, to others or yourself, in two words or as few as possible the secret you have been forced to keep. Once spoken, it is no longer a secret and no longer has power over you. It wasn’t your crime but a crime done to you. You were never responsible and should never have been forced to keep your own abuse/trauma/torture a secret.
(Common revelations are rape, child abuse, child sexual abuse, incest, brutalization, violentization, and many, many other forms of emotional, psychological and physical abuse.) Remember too that all child abuse is against the law. It is a crime. So if someone abused you, they were wrong.
Next, remember the details. Go as far as you feel comfortable in remembering. At first you might be too afraid to dig deep. That is OK. Healing is a long process but it gets easier and goes faster when you start feeling the results. The more you reveal, the closer you get to healing:
Face it:
Tell someone the details of your abuse. Who did this? If you don’t trust anyone just yet, write your experiences down in as much detail as you are comfortable with then burn the pages. It is much better to face this stressful encounter with someone who understands the pain you are about to experience and who can assist you. But if you just can’t trust anyone at this point then you can accomplish this alone. Take small steps and retreat if the pain becomes unbearable.
Cry. Cry buckets. Cry baby. Let all those emotions you suppressed come out. It is OK to cry and often.
After crying, you may experience intense rage. It is the first human emotion you need to recapture. The dynamics of child abuse is the fact that children are forced to suppress their human emotions. Get ready to unload buckets of tears and begin to express the hurt you should have expressed a long time ago.
Beat up a pillow if you must. Rage and scream. Cuss! Let the rage OUT! Rage kept inside often turns into self-destruction. Addiction is self-destruction.
As you get better at summoning those darkly held secrets, they will pop out when you least expect it. It might be an inopportune time so you can stuff them back until later. Often it is best to pull over to the side of the road if driving and jot down your thoughts.
Depending on your unique experience, this process may take a long, long time. It may include more than one perpetrator and cover many, many years. There may be a range of abuse, from neglect to torture.
Take your time. Eat good. Sleep. Rest. Take care of yourself.
Heal it:
Share your secret. Once told, secrets have no power over you. You will begin the healing process immediately. It may be rapid or it may take a long time. Open your heart to the adventure and begin the journey. You will be able to let go of the past.
