General Questions
1. Does Gentle Sobriety believe alcoholism a disease?No. For millions of addicts, it is a response to untreated childhood trauma. Primarily it is caused by child sexual abuse between the age of birth through 13 years old. 2. What are the key beliefs in the secret childhood trauma concept of alcoholism? The trauma, either as a single event or endured over many years was kept a secret. By forcing to keep their terror secret the child was not allowed to tattle or tell and work out their experience. Eventually they were forced to take ownership of the trauma they endured. Grew up feeling they were responsible and determined they must keep the secret. Discover chemicals and behaviors that made them feel normal and it helped suppress memory, ease guilt and shame. Want to recapture that first feeling of being normal, unafraid. Over time, increased amounts are required. Eventually no amount can be consumed to keep the memory from surfacing. As long as the secret is kept the adult is emotionally frozen in time at the age of their trauma. They approach life in the body of an adult with the emotional response of a child. Note how many repeat offenders in prison attempt the same behavior (addiction) but expect a different outcome.
3. Are those beliefs supported by the available research evidence?
No. Gentle Sobriety is a brand new alternative to reach only the most severely addicted.4. How effective is Gentle Sobriety?
It is too early to say. It will appeal to people who have tried everything else.5. Is Gentle Sobriety for the casual drinker?
No. It is for hard core addicts (chemical and behavior) desperate for a chance at sobriety. (Gentle Sobriety might help a concerned family member understand the dynamics of childhood trauma and addiction. It may inspire the family member to research and ask pointy questions of the addict if they are supportive to them.) 6. Can people beat an addiction by themselves?Yes. There isn’t a one-size-fits all recovery program because there are so many variables in how their addiction progressed. People's experiences are unique which makes a universal cure unrealistic. Some people have managed to find sobriety by themselves while others need and want the fellowship of support groups. If one program doesn’t work, try another. It is the end result that matters, not the road you take. The desire for change ultimately comes from inside and that can’t be forced by family or courts or any program. 7. For those interested in a support group, what are some of the alternatives to Gentle Sobriety?
Alcoholics Anonymous is a moral based group support which set me on the road to sobriety. It was the fellowship with old drinking buddies that gave me the courage to attend mandatory meetings. So, between the court and my old buddies, and an prayer, I got sober.
Free, non-religious based programs are SMART Recovery, Moderation Management, Rational Recovery, Women for Sobriety, and Secular Organizations for Sobriety, Permanent Solutions and Sobriety Forever.
The Red Road To Sobriety is a contemporary Native American sobriety movement. It is based on Spirituality rather than religion using talking circles and sweat lodges, the burning of sage and other herbs. If you are invited into an inipi ceremony, please attend but follow their rules.
There are holistic methods, prayer and meditation. You might try the white-knuckle method or "cold turkey" but they rarely last.
Regardless of the path you take, tailor a program that fits your belief system, makes sense to you and touches your heart.
If one program works but then fails to keep you interested, perhaps it is time to move to a higher level. Sobriety opens your mind to growth and learning. You will be constantly changing as your sobriety matures, your energy returns. All the years wasted in addiction will fall away to a desire to learn and explore.
Many programs help get you sober through the power of groups. Everyone shares and is sober.
8. If you found sobriety in AA, why do you offer an alternative program?
I loved the bi-weekly group meetings with old friends. We met across the street from our old watering hole. They were the ones who supported me through my early withdrawal. I laughed and cried and they comforted me. When visitors showed up they were rigid in their approach. We were told we had to adhere to the Big Book or we would fail. Had I been in their group I would never have gotten sober, let alone remained sober. They did not give me the comfort I needed. I was intent on not failing and wanted sobriety for the rest of my life. I didn't want to be a slave to chemicals ever again. And I wanted it badly. Later, I came to resent the words, "defect of character" because I was sober but those who weren't were still in pain. My old drinking buddies didn't have a defect either, even if they went out on a binge. We were just all in pain and didn't know how to help our selves. It wasn't until 6 months sober that I realized the cause of my deep pain. Because I was sober I opened my backpack and examined the secrets I had kept. It was a process that took three days and while I suffered excruciating pain during the whole process. But at the end, I was truly free from addiction. It has been only in the last 5 years I have been able to put words to my experience and translate the process into a recovery program. I suggest that addicts find a program that works for them. And it may take more than one try before they find the right fit. The point is, keep trying. Gentle Sobriety is just another way to look at addiction. Had this information been available years ago, perhaps it would have prevented addiction. I would have healed, not sought ways to bury the shame. 9. How can I keep old drinking buddies and family from sabotaging my efforts to be sober?Fact is, life is full of pitfalls intent on dragging you back into chemical use. Your own family may be sabotaging your efforts by inviting you to dinner and serving liquor to those "not addicted".
It is OK to refuse invitations where liquor is being served. If they can't forgo liquor for one meal, they may have their own active addiction problem. Set boundaries for what you can tolerate. If you can't be around alcohol, then don't go to places that serve it and don't worry about hurting their feelings. They should respect your decision.
Invite people to your home and make it known there will be no alcohol served. If someone shows up with booze, turn them away or pour it down the drain. Don’t invite anyone who again who doesn't respect your boundaries.
Users will not find you an attractive to be around because you are not on their mental level. Their brain is swimming in a stew and yours is not. You will find they are not funny anymore and they will find you boring and call you names. Oh well! Move on.
If you do find permanent sobriety, they may grudgingly respect you. You will be the "one who made it" out of the pit of addiction.
Gentle Sobriety may help you stay sober by discussing pitfalls and purging the underlying issues that keep you a slave to destructive chemicals and behaviors.
Always be aware that temptation is the twin of temptress. Pay attention to those you associate with before you offer your trust.
